Goofus and Gallant,
The scoundrel and the straight-shooter,
Each receive for their birthday
A brand-new microcomputer.
Goofus doesn’t bother with
Reading the directions.
Instead, he lets his hacker friends
Set up his internet connection.
Gallant reads the manual carefully
Learns about computer infections
Makes sure to install McAfee
For anti-virus protection.
Goofus quickly learns how to
Download games and porn.
He sleeps in ‘til the afternoon,
And stays awake ‘til morn.
Eventually he shows Gallant
How to find free songs online.
Gallant now spends his days
Getting music all the time.
But then one day Gallant receives
A letter from the net police
He’s been caught breaching copyright
And that he must desist and cease
And also that he must appear
In court in approximately half a year
To face a fine of fifty grand.
“Oh dear,” says Gallant, “this wasn’t planned…”
Goofus had much more illegal stuff,
But he got away clean ‘cause he’d had enough
Of uploading files in return.
He said, “Find someone else to download from.”
He wanted all his bandwidth free
To download games and porn, you see.
But Gallant uploaded all he could,
In keeping with his childhood
In which he was taught to share with others
A lesson learned him by his mother.
Instead he is reduced to criminality,
And that’s all that needs saying on modern morality.